Coping with a Recently Unemployed Person In Your Life

Over the week-end, I attended a program on Coping with the Law Student in Your Life. Presented by a panel of five second and third-year law students, it was quite helpful in providing some insight as to what to do (and not do) as parents / partners of first-year students.

1. As I listened to the panel's perspectives on how to best support and interact with the first-year law student, I found myself thinking about friends and family members who are "coping with a recently unemployed person" in their life. Here are some ideas of what to do if you're a family member or friend of someone who's recently lost a job:

* Let them know that you care, sharing words of comfort and solace. If you've been down the job loss road before, tell them, as that may help them feel like they're not so alone at this difficult time.

* Don't pry into the nitty-gritty details as to why they lost their job. Let them offer what they like, and be OK with that, for now. If they want to tell you more, they will in due time.

* Offer encouragement, using positive, constructive, supportive language..."we'll get through this together" versus "This is your fault and how could you do this to me?"

* Be a good listener. Don't be a "fixer" or a "problem-solver". Now is not the time for that.

* Allow and support a reasonable period of "mourning" and "grieving" following your family member's / friend's job loss. Translated, don't ask them first thing tomorrow morning what their next career move is!

* Don't try to hide the fact that there's been a job loss. "Hiding" from reality helps no-one and the sooner others know what's going on, the better. People can't help if they don't know.

* Offer: what can I do to help? Even if you're told nothing, do something anyway. It will mean a lot to the person who's lost their job. That something could be as simple as a "thinking of you" card, a handwritten note, an e-mail sentiment, or something as valuable as a gift certificate for gas, groceries, coffee...you get the idea.

* Communicate. Stay in touch. Keep talking on a consistent, routine basis.

* Recommend the name of a competent career professional, complete with contact information to make it easy for your family member / friend to get in touch ASAP!

* Go to the library and check out one skinny, little, easy-to-read career-related book (the bigger the print the better) for your friend or loved one. Granted, they "should" be doing this on their own, and hopefully, they will. Right now, though, it's a considerate, well-intended gesture on your part. (A big thick book with tiny print is the last thing a person who's just lost their job wants to read). For now, keep it simple!

* Simply be there for them. Let them know that they can count on you and that you're not going to judge them, or ditch them, or think less of them just because they've lost their job.

As I was writing this post, I was thinking of what might have been the most helpful thing for me to hear when I lost my job, even though it's been many years ago. Perhaps it would be this:

While you lost your job, what you didn't lose, and what you get to keep is this: your knowledge, skills, abilities, gifts, talents, values, passion, and a continued capacity to earn a living!

Do you know somebody who's been impacted by a recent job loss? How about adding your own thoughts to this post and then passing it along...maybe it's just the thing the family member or friend needs to hear.

posted by: billiesucher

Comments

[Julie O'Malley]

I remember when my brother lost his job right before his 40th birthday - an emotional double-whammy. Despite his objections, his wife went ahead with his birthday party, and it turned out to be the best thing for him. All his friends and family were there celebrating with him, not caring a bit about his employment status. It put everything in perspective and reminded him that his job, or lack thereof, was irrelevant to those who love him. We've all been unemployed at one time or another. It's a temporary setback that's an unpleasant, but universal, part of life. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that.

[billiesucher]

Julie, thanks for your thoughts -- your comment is a good addition...and very well stated! : - )
Billie Sucher