You lost your job; is there an elephant in your room?

Over at JibberJobber, Jason Alba posted about the unnamed elephant in the room – the disillusionment, frustration, despondency, even depression that hits just about everyone who loses a job.

So many people experience very real feelings of betrayal, fright, and erosion of confidence when they lose a job, but they often try to ignore all that and “muscle through.” Yet, being unemployed is one of the toughest things in the world -- besides war, death, hunger, poverty, and disease --  and if we are unemployed (especially for months and months), it can feel worse than these things.

It’s not just having bills to pay and a family to support, it’s about the perception of self that is wrapped into work – especially in America – home of the over-the-top work ethic, the “you’re only as good as your last sale” corporate mentality, and a “don’t let them see you sweat” culture.

So what happens when we lose a great job – especially one with responsibility, visibility, and a sense of future? How do we keep our confidence up when our very being has been compromised? How do we remain a supportive spouse and parent (emotionally and financially). How do we manage in this “new (often unexpected) normal?”

Gotta grieve, baby. Gotta raise our fists to the heavens and ask, “Why me?” Gotta let our family and friends into our misery, for a while. Being strong is admirable, but the toll on our loved ones of being the strong silent type sucks! (Excuse the blunt language!)

We’re human. We’ve been kicked in the pants. We’re allowed to be mad, sad, and miserable. And its OK to say we are. What’s NOT OK is living in either end of the spectrum too long – by ignoring the reality of unemployment or dwelling on it.

Gotta find the balance, as Jason did. Moving forward is the best antidote. Decide when, where, and for how long to grieve, then strategize a plan and stick to it – do something (many things) every day. Keep an action list of activities on JibberJobber or other contact manager. It’ll help keep you focused and productive.

Get out of the house, have lunch with a colleague, go to professional group meetings, and build your network. Seek professional help (career coach, resume writer, counselor or therapist, even self-help books) if it’s too hard to move forward. Do something fun every week. Laugh often. Create and embrace unexpected directions, as Jason did. Think outside of the box when being in the box isn’t working (no pun intended.) And “give to get” for “career karma.”

Jason Alba proved that determination, guts, and frustration – packaged with some genius, innovation, and a huge dose of networking mojo – was just what he needed to move past disappointment and into power. How can YOU pick yourself up and make YOUR future?   

(Disclaimer: I’m not a counselor or therapist – these are my opinions and solutions, developed in 18 years of coaching great executives, some of whom lose jobs, despite their greatness! With C-level tenures ranging approximately 18-36 months, job loss is pretty much an expected outcome at hire. Often an exit strategy is the first thing my clients work on after we create their 90-day strategic entry plan!)

Posted by Deb Dib, the CEO Coach
“Unabashedly passionate about helping visionary, gutsy, fun executives with a conscience build great careers, mold great companies, and even change the world a bit.”

Comments

[WonderGirl]

Wow!! this post is right on the money. I am stuck. I lost a job with lots of promise, good salary, great co-workers, interesting work and a horrible boss. 3 years, my life has been in a black hole, confidence loss, in financial no mans land and a 15 year old. Trying to explain why I was fired,to prespective employers kills me, it just brings back the anger. Where do I go from here?

[Deb]

Hello Wonder Girl. Sorry I missed your comment -- just saw it. It is very tough to experience what you have, and many of my clients can relate. It's far more common than we realize (until we go through it!)

One of the things that helps is to really, really focus on determining your value, writing challenge/action/result case studies, and using them to guide the interviews. This way, when you have to explain your previous job loss, it has little impact because the employer is already primed with your value. The Reach Branding Club (www.reachbrandingclub.com) is a great resource to help you uncover your brand, accomplishments and tie them to a strong value proposition that gets employers excited about you.

I'm rooting for you!
Deb