5 Ways NOT To Find A Job

I think there's far too much talk and pressure about "how to find a job" and "how to reinvent yourself," don't you..?

Instead, how about embracing the recession and taking some time off to relax, have fun and veg out?

Just think, you could watch day-time television (Oprah, Ellen or the sports channel), go play some golf, visit the gym and sit in the sauna (but tell everyone you've been working out), play online poker, have fun on Facebook, hang out in coffee shops and "do lunch" with friends.

You could stay up late to watch trashy "made for TV" films whilst eating a tub of Haagen Dazs and corn chips. Maybe buy some completely useless items from the late night shopping channels and wake up the next day when.....well, whenever you like.

With such a lifestyle, why would you want to spend time looking for a job?

Oh yes, I forgot - it's not socially acceptable is it? You've got to at least "look" as if you're trying to find work.

So why not bluff your friends and family into thinking you are working really hard at the job searching but sabotage it?!

Here are 5 great ways NOT to get a job (but which make it look like you're trying):

1. Live in the past

To ensure you don't find a job, just stay focused on the past. Keep talking about all the things you've done, all the experience you've had. Don't think for a second that this may be futile in a new world and a different climate.

(By the way - if you decide you'd actually like to find a role, you may want to think less about what you've done and focus more on the value you can create in the future for employers and clients, the problems you can solve, the results you can deliver, the transferable skills you can offer. But if not, just stay in the past - it's a great way to enjoy the benefits of being footloose and fancy free!)

2. Play the blame game

To guarantee you can continue enjoying lazy lunches and some '"me time" (even though you've no idea what it means) just blame someone - anyone!

After all, it's not your fault you're struggling to find work - it's the government, the greedy bankers, your incompetent employers, the hopeless recruiters, your mother-in-law, the next door neighbour's dog and of course ......."The Recession" - the very best excuse for 20 years to play the blame game and do nothing!

(Oh, if you get a bit tired of blaming others and being a miserable, you may want to quit blaming the rest of the world and take personal responsibility for your situation - you'll probably find a job much faster and be a much nicer person to be around. But if not, just stay there - at least the blame game allows you to take the summer off - much more fun than working.)

3. Hide behind your computer

This is a great one. If you'd rather play online poker or poke a few people on Facebook than get back to work, hide behind your computer for 7 hours a day pretending you're job searching.

You can sit in your PJ's in front of your laptop, apply for a few random jobs, send your resume to the same recruiters and job sites that everyone else is emailing and then sit back and say "Oh, I'm working sooo hard on my job search - but there's simply nothing out there!" Genius.

(But if you get bored or broke sitting at home playing online poker all day, you may want to come out of hiding and get serious about finding work. The internet, email and social media are just "tools." Ultimately it's your relationships with people, not technology, that will help you find a job. Getting out there, speaking, meeting and engaging with people in the real world. But only do that if you really want a job. Maybe you can just stay home and dance in your lounge with Ellen? She's much more fun than working.)

4. Wait 3 days before following up a lead

You've seen a job ad or been given a warm lead. Damn it - your plans to relax and do nothing seem scuppered.

OK, here's an idea. How about you procrastinate, put off the call for a few days until you've perfected your resume or put off making the call until tomorrow when you feel better about yourself. That way, by the time you apply, the warm lead is cold, the job advert is inundated with other people so you don't get to interview stage at all. Brilliant - you can then continue enjoying some more time on the couch with Oprah!

(If, on the other hand, you fancy giving up the couch and decide to get serious about finding a job, you need to be quick. In a tight job market, speed is of the essence - so act NOW, not later. You can improve, perfect and course correct later. But only if you want a job. Maybe Oprah's much nicer than a boss so why bother hey?)

5. Be desperate

This one always works. Be really really desperate, needy and annoying. Just enough so that it puts people off. That way you can look like you're trying really hard but just not getting the breaks. That way you can justify taking a break from the job searching - you know, just to "take a step back and review my options". Perfect plan!

(But if you decide that you actually want to get a job - stop trying so hard. Be open-minded and flexible, but also be confident and self-assured in the way you conduct yourself. Believe you're someone that has some value to offer - and then behave accordingly).

So there you go - 5 ways NOT to get a job this summer. 5 ways to ensure you can spend more time improving your golf swing, watching reality TV and seeing how many juicers and useless knives you can buy from those awful shopping channels.
 
(But if you'd like to find a job in less time and with less stress, do the exact opposite of these 5 points and you'll stand a much better chance of succeeding).

By Sital Ruparelia from 6 Figure Career Management

Comments

[Julie O'Malley, CPRW]

LOL, I love it. I think this will hit home for a lot of people, Sital. I like your style!

[Sital]

thanks Julie!

[dsdf]

Good advice! The best way to manage a proactive job search is to use the power of small. Take the big giant task of finding a job and break it down into minitasks- a small list that can actually be accomplished each day. That way you can avoid getting overwhelmed.

[Will]

Great post, I personally like denial as a great way not to find a job. Cognative dissonance is a very powerful thing. As far a 'why to not get a job' check out my post here:
http://virtualjobcoach.com/blog/?p=1224

~Will at virtualjobcoach.com

[Sital]

@Will

he he... nice, list
;)

[Privatcams]

Very nice

[Bill Shambrook]

The most egregious mistakes that job seekers make is to simply respond to an ad, or send out unsolicited resumes and sit and wait for a response. Hiring managers have many things on their mind and most often you are not one of them!

The kiss of death is to be perceived as someone seeking a job. You will most often be stopped dead in your tracks. Your key mission is to present yourself as a high value solution to a set of core, fundamental challenges being faced by the interviewer, challenges that unless addressed will have a demonstrable a significant negative impact on his or her organization.

Sending an unsolicited resume with a cover letter will most often result in no response or a boiler plate rejection form letter. Including a resume will enhance the chance that your letter/resume will be sent to HR at best, for filing but will often be simply thrown out.

The only way to get the attention of a potential employer is to mount an "individual or group spot opportunity" campaign using a targeted letter. That is give the recipient a reason to first read the document and then to open a dialogue with you. The objective is to present yourself as a "solution to key core challenges" and not just one more person who is seeking employment.

Identify five or six core operational challenges the potential manager could be facing that if not addressed have the potential to do significant and often irreparable harm to the company and present those challenges in the second paragraph of the letter. This is then followed up in the letter with a branding statement, educational information, four or five significant, relevant and qualified accomplishments and a call for action. The call is for you to follow-up at a time certain not for the recipient to contact you. That is, you take proactive action and not just wait for the recipient to respond. In today's increasingly difficult and competitive job market, this strategy will not guarantee an interview but will increase your hit ratio dramatically.

If the campaign is carried out correctly, the challenges are most relevant and compelling and you aggressively and proactively pursue potential employers, getting through to 50% of the recipients is achievable. Can your current efforts deliver this level of success.

Bill Shambrook
www.careersuccessnet.com

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