Endings

Driving back to my office from a meeting today, I found myself thinking about endings. Maybe it's because of the phone calls this week that keep rummaging around in my mind:

Hello, my name is "Tom" and an executive recruiter told me to call you; I was let go from my job yesterday...

Billie, my name is "Dick" and a friend of mine said maybe you could help me out...I was downsized today and I don't know where to start...

Yes, my name is "Harry" and Monday, I got the news that my job was being eliminated...

No matter what words you might affix to the event, and no matter what your name is, something has ended. And in the three instances cited above with "Tom, Dick and Harry," it was their job that ended. Not a part of the plan. Hadn't seen it coming. Thought for sure I'd be okay. Came as a complete surprise. Timing couldn't be worse.

Endings. For you this week, maybe the ending wasn't your job; maybe it was a relationship that ended; maybe it was a dear friend who lost their battle with cancer; maybe it was your best friend who lost the family pet. Endings.

I don't know a lot about endings...I know a little. I know that it hurts. I know that it is painful. I know that you may shed buckets of tears. I know that you may question every aspect of everything, wondering what, if anything, you might have done differently. I know that you may wonder "what's wrong with me?" I know that you may go around in a daze and in a fog for a while. I know that you have been shaken to the core, like no other. I know that it may be messy. I know that a part of you will want to withdraw unto yourself. I know that you may find it hard to tell others that you got fired, or downsized, or dismissed, or made redundant, or whatever other word of choice you want to call the event. I know that you may blame yourself. I know that you may have feelings of anger, shock, denial, bargaining, and all of the other emotions that go with loss. Endings.

I also know that somehow, someway, you will get through the mire if you try. I know that you will make it through the muck if you try. I know that you will come out on the other side a different person, and hopefully, a better one at that, if you try. I know that right now, not much makes sense. I know that somewhere along down the road when the raw emotions and sad or ugly feelings subside, that a sense of optimism and hope and possibility can take root, if you let it. I know that the road ahead won't be easy; I do know that if you so choose, you can find a way or create one, to move on. I know that it takes a lot of courage that you didn't even know you had. I know that it means letting go of ego and pride and stuff. I know that there are people out there who care much about you, your happiness, and well-being. I know that it's hard, sometimes, to reach out, but do it anyway. I know that each baby step you take is better than taking none at all. I know that moving on takes tenacity and perseverance and self-motivation and commitment and a positive perspective, when you are ready. I know that healing takes time. I know that wounds leave scars. I know that if you've ever lost something you cared deeply about, you may even remember the date it happened. For me, I remember those dates like yesterday: July 7th, April 29th, etc....

I don't know where your new tomorrow will be, or the exact path that you will take to get there. What I do know, for sure and certain, is that only I can decide, and only you can decide, what we want our tomorrows to look like and be like. For now, though, I have learned that today is the day to reckon with. And that before I can make that new beginning, I must first honor, acknowledge and pay my respects to what has ended.

posted by: billiesucher

Comments

[justin lucero]

thANK YOU THIS one helped right now. thanx alot. I've been thru whole lot. I just finally started college and I've been creepin everyone out with my behaviour it's trust in people as well as fear. the fear of loosing what little i have. I've been praying hoping wishing for someone or something to come along and guide me in a better direction. and i sometimes the past. it's really hard but I,m pushing I'm pushing it. really I 'am. I'ts so hard socializing because you're so use to having to runaway even if it makes you happy or if someone else tries giving in. you become entirely afraid even of yourself because you were always shown that balling up your emotions was the best way. because u saw the world differently u were beaten lied to molested and all u ever really had was your ideas. your abilities, your gifts. the arts.

[justin lucero]

getting it out helps especially in the most positive of ways. but having someone listen and understand that's willing to share there story helps as well. thank u for this so much. i hope i can talk with more or perhaps meet more that understand, because rightnow i've been tryin to make sense of it all. I just balled a big one on this.that felt good.

[billiesucher]

Justin, perhaps you will find some resources in this link helpful for you as you begin college....read through the links and see if you can find something of value:

http://school.familyeducation.com/parenting/college-prep/34553.html

- billiesucher

[Linsey Levine]

Billie,

So eloquently said! Congratulations for articulating this concept so well.

William Bridges writes a lot about managing transitions and says a transition is an internal, three phase, psychological reorientation that people go through in coming to terms with change:
1. Ending (every new situation starts with an ending or a loss, and only after people let go of the old can they start the new
2. Neutral zone (the time between trapezes, when old is gone, but new has not been established)
3. New beginning (new identity, new direction, new sense of purpose or vision takes over.
It is critical for everyone to understand the realities of the process, and move through them at their own pace.

[billiesucher]

Linsey...thanks for sharing Bridges' model...I love his teachings...something in his process for anyone, everyone experiencing some form of transition impacting their life! Well said!:)
~ Billie Sucher