It Doesn’t Have to Be So Complicated

Do you have any unresolved issues from your early career that may be getting in the way of you moving ahead? I know I do, and although I am not a big proponent of making New Year's Resolutions (they have become so cliche) I ended 2009 with a commitment to clean out some of the gremlins I have been housing that are complicating my career and somewhat holding me back.

 

My inspiration to do this came from a somewhat unlikely source: the movie "It's Complicated" with Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. If you have seen the trailers, you know that the plot is woven around Streep's character having an affair with her ex-husband, played by Baldwin, who left her 10 years prior, for a younger woman. The movie is a comedy, so why did I end up crying? It's complicated....

You see, Jane (played by Streep) had reshaped her life following a painful divorce and to all outside observers, she was successful and in control of her life. But even after being divorced for ten years, she still found it difficult to be around Jake (her ex) and still felt some of the pain of having been replaced (let go, "fired"). As the movie unfolds, Jane begins to realize that she has feelings that need to be resolved before she can move on with her life- and that these feeling are not only complicating her life, but also the lives of other's that care about her.

 

The fact that 10 years had passed since the divorce was particularly significant to me. It has been 10 years since a key relationship in my life - a job I had held for several years - came to a painful end when I was fired (it's complicated.) Like Jane, I have moved on, redefined my career (and my life), made new contacts, and met with success. But also like Jane, I have been avoiding the people and places associated with my former employer and keeping a wall around me that has, in some ways, prevented me from moving further ahead.

 

So, in the final hours of 2009, I took a bold step and contacted one of my former business colleagues and invited her back into my network. It was somewhat scary because I did not know how I would be received and those darned gremlins in my head started replaying all the old tapes that have kept me paralyzed. But, this colleague was glad to hear from me and immediately set an appointment to meet for lunch. With that one act, suddenly I was reconnecting with other former co-workers and feeling a tremendous weight being lifted from my shoulders. I suspect that there will be additional scary moments - such as walking into the office where I used to work and talking to my former boss, who struck the final blow - but it will get easier. I know that, because like Jane, I have people who care about me and are invested in seeing me being successful and happy. I will not spoil it for you by telling you how the movie ends - suffice it to say that Jane moved forward with her life.

Are there complicated issues in your career that are getting in the way of you moving forward? Are you still harboring gremlins and painful memories of getting fired or laid off? Are there people and places you are avoiding that you need to include? What steps can you take now to make things a little less complicated? Yeah - I know it's complicated, but it's a New Year - follow my lead and take the first step today!

 

 

Comments

[Melissa]

Great analogy, and a good example to set to begin anew in 2010!

[Barbara Safani]

Norine,

Thus is a great post. I think everyone has at least one "it's complicated" in their work history. Bravo to you for moving forward and Happy New Year!

[Steve Cutler]

Hi Norine,

This struck a cord with me. Good for you for moving forward. And thanks so much for the timely reminder.

I believe someone else said "Die to the past". The point being that if we live in the present ... then all those ghostly past events are not with us anymore.

Happy New Year indeed!

[Sital]

excellent post norine

[College Research Paper]

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