And You're Saying This to Me, Because???

As a career counselor, I hear all kinds of stories from persons who have lost their jobs. One of the things that I have heard time and again is: Can you believe they said that to me? Well, of course, I can because once upon a time I lost my job and was amazed at some of the things people said to me. Here's a list of words/phrases that may make you cringe if you've recently lost your job as shown below in Group A. I've also included a few alternative communication ideas of what else you could say to a person who's just lost their job as shown in Group B.

Group A: Avoid for now saying this to a person who has just lost their job

* You will be fine

* Things happen for a reason

* It will all work out

* Things will be fine

* Don't worry about it

* Stay calm; calm down; breathe

* You need to get control of yourself

* Things could be worse

* Don't know why you're so upset

* This too shall pass

* It was just your time

* Hang in there

* Keep your chin up

* Glad I'm not in your shoes

* Haven't you found a job, yet? (said to more seasoned job seekers)

* So what's the big deal - the sun is shining, it's a new day

Perhaps it depends upon the day, the hour, the moment, but sometimes, new job seekers just really don't want to hear any of these Group A words or phrases. Maybe they're just not ready to hear them, process them, or believe them. Instead, you could offer words / phrases from Group B, as shown below:

Group B - Alternative Words / Phrases to say to a person who has just lost their job:

* How can I help?

* What can I do to support you?

* Just heard the news, what can I do to show you I care?

* Perhaps you will find comfort in...

* I've been thinking about you

* You've been on my mind a lot lately

* Good to see you; happy to catch up with you

* I know this is a difficult time; here's what worked for me when I lost my job

* Why don't we have coffee and chat when you are ready...my dime

* I'll do a better job of staying in touch

* Here's my number; put it in your cell and let's touch base tomorrow

* I'm here to listen...not judge

* What's the best thing I can do to assist you right now?

* Please let me help you with

* Let's schedule a time to get together and visit when you are ready

* I'm here for you

* You're still my friend, job or no job

* You can count on me, 24/7

* Ready to listen when you're ready to talk

* Whatever I can do to help you through this, you know I will

Perhaps one list of words is a bit too overwhelming to hear right now, especially if you've just lost your job. Maybe your emotions are too raw to accept or appreciate such words, regardless of how well intended they are offered. Who knows the right thing to say to someone who has just lost a job? The point is, in due time, people will be better ready to hear such sentiments as shown in Group A. On the other hand, maybe Group B is a more appropriate place to get started in your communications with the recently made redundant. As a person who's just lost your job, what line or phrase makes you cringe? What line or phrase would you love to hear instead?

posted by: billiesucher

Comments

[Sean]

The one that really bothers me is along the lines of "Don't feel so bad, you're not the only one." Thanks, like I need a reminder of how much competition is out there...

[Sital]

Great post Bille,
Isn't "how can I help?" such a great thing to say in so many different scenarious..?

Sean, how can other readers of this blog be of help to you?

[Glenn]

This is excellent. I just got the axe 2 weeks ago and I've gotten some Group A phrases thrown at me that really have rubbed me the wrong way. It's really amazing how some people just don't get it.

[billiesucher]

Sean, Sital, Glenn, thank you! Appreciate your collective feedback! - Billie